What to do if you are supporting someone who has been a survivor of sexual violence

Here are a few important things to remember:
  • Believe. Validate. Empower.
  • No matter what, the sexual assault was not their fault
  • Do not victim blame
  • The responsibility of the assault falls on the offender, not the survivor
  • Their feelings, emotions, thoughts, and physical changes are common responses to a traumatic event
  • They may or may not experience trauma symptoms
  • Sexual Assault/Abuse is a crime, they are a survivor of the crime
  • You cannot consent to sexual activity while under the influence
  • A person under the age of 17 cannot consent to sexual activity
  • Recovery takes time. 
What to do:
  • Believe: Believe what the survivor is telling you, and let the child know you believe them. 
  • Validate: Be sure to validate the survivor. Let the child know they did the right thing for telling you, that it was not their fault, overall validate the feelings they are sharing.
  • Empower: Ask the survivor what they need from you. Power and control is taken away in abuse, it is important to give them back control on future situations.
  • Be ready to listen: Listen without judgement or personal biases. Do not ask detailed questions. 
  • Know and respect the survivors’ boundaries: As a supporter, you may want to help in every way you can, but it is important to understand the survivors’ boundaries and needs they may need. 
  • Try not to make decisions for the survivor: it is important to allow the survivor to make comfortable decisions for themselves. Do not tell the survivor what to do, but offer them resources and options
  • Take care of yourself: As a supporter, you are giving a lot of energy to a survivor. It is important to remember that you cannot help anyone if your needs are not met first. Being a support requires a lot of time, effort and energy that is appreciated by the survivor. Take time to process your thoughts and emotions around the survivor’s disclosure and feel free to reach out to our confidential crisis hotline if you need support. 
Northwest Center Against Sexual Assault
415 West Golf Road, Suite 47
Arlington Heights, IL 60005
(847) 806-6526
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